Staying Still

STAYING STILL

… with an uncomfortable emotion — and resisting the urge to grasp onto the nearest distraction (food, drink, Netflix, relationship, someone) to pacify or numb the anxiety…

is H A R D

F*king hard.

I too, understand very well the writhing anxiety that emerges as a result of yet-healed abandonment, unworthiness, shame, guilt, fear. When your body cannot tell for sure whether it is under threat — or not.

The lungs seem to be suffocated. Or is it the stomach?

The confusion that occurs when we simply cannot brain what our being is feeling or experiencing…

I want you to know that I am not beyond these anxieties too. In fact, I’m having one now

But it has gotten much better. Over a decade ago these energies manifested in me as gastric, mood swings, hypertension, and panic attacks. It took me years to get a hang of — and understand deeper — what was really going on inside of me.

There are GREAT days, there are average days, and some days, especially in the evenings, can be real sh*tty. I can feel my energy sinking and shutting down. The biggest difference now is that I am more AWARE that it’s happening, and usually some clarity will follow soon on what emotion is underlying and needs attention.

And oh, it can really hurt, that pain inside. That emptiness hurts like hell.

If you are not sure what to do when anxiety — or that emptiness — arises, speak to someone. Go for a walk. Sweat it out. Or call a friend. Often days we can return to our sadhana, or meditate with some crystals, or just listen to uplifting tunes. Use whatever tools you have.

Sitting alone until the truth of the underlying emotion reveals itself is tough work. It takes time. And maybe lots of crying.

I want you to know that no, you are not alone in this.

Stand strong. Stand proud. You can do it.

S.

14/12/2022